If you’ve ever felt guilty or uneasy about prioritising your needs, you’re not alone. For Marianna Clark, founder of Travel Within Retreats, the journey to self-love has been a continual process of learning to listen to her heart and soul rather than following old programming from family, culture, or society.
Growing up in a Greek family and faith tradition, Marianna was taught that being a “good person” meant putting herself last and caring for everyone else first—even to the point of self-sacrifice.
“In my mind, being a good person had everything to do with putting myself last and taking care of everybody else in front of me. Not only from a familial perspective, but also from a religious standpoint, I’m going to get some really good brownie points in heaven for being this selfless and martyring myself.”
Marianna Clark, Travel Within Retreats
Embracing Self Love
But putting others first came at a cost. Marianna realised that constantly sacrificing her own needs left her feeling depleted and unfulfilled. “Even though it looked like, on the outside, that I was doing something loving, I wasn’t giving myself the love that my body, mind, soul and heart were calling for.”
The turning point came when a mentor challenged Marianna to “be completely selfish” for a period—despite how it made her feel. Through this practice, she discovered that the discomfort was not only survivable but transformative: “If we just lean into it and take those risks and we do something that might feel uncomfortable, in the end, it replenishes us, and it does feel very loving, but it’s not always going to feel that way at first.”
Marianna recently spoke to Belle on the Step Into Me podcast about the discomfort of putting yourself first. She now believes the discomfort of breaking old patterns is a stepping stone to a more authentic, loving version of yourself.
How to Put Yourself First
Marianna offers these practical methods for leaning into the discomfort and moving towards self love.
- Acknowledge and Accept Discomfort as Part of Growth
Research shows that embracing discomfort is a sign of progress in personal growth. When you notice feelings of awkwardness, guilt, or anxiety, recognise these as normal and even positive indicators that you are stretching beyond old conditioning. Reframe discomfort as evidence that you are making meaningful changes rather than as a sign you’re doing something wrong. - Practice Mindful Awareness of Your Feelings
Mindfulness practices, such as meditation or pausing to notice your breath, can help you observe your feelings without judgement. This approach allows the discomfort to pass through you, building resilience, and making it easier to return to a place of self-love. - Use Movement and Somatic Expression
Making your feelings physical—through movement, dance, or playful physical theatre—can help you process and release the fear of being “selfish.” By embodying the discomfort, you allow your body to recalibrate, moving the energy through and out of your system. This somatic approach helps rewire old patterns at a deeper level than thought alone. - Journal Freely to Uncover Hidden Patterns
Letting your thoughts flow onto paper without censoring or editing can reveal the stories and judgements you carry about selfishness and self-love. Seeing these beliefs in writing helps you become more self-aware and allows you to choose new, more supportive narratives. - Embrace Forgiveness and Let Go of Judgement
Marianna believes “forgiveness is a powerful bridge to self-love”. Practice letting go of self-judgement and extend compassion to yourself for past behaviours or beliefs. This also includes forgiving those who taught you to put yourself last, understanding they were acting from their own conditioning. Letting go of judgement softens resistance and makes space for greater self-acceptance.
- Create a Morning Ritual of Stillness
Begin each day with a few quiet moments before engaging with the world. Whether it’s making tea or sitting in meditation, this daily ritual helps you tune into your personal needs and intentions. Avoid checking your phone or reacting to external demands first thing in the morning to maintain this connection to yourself. - Cultivate Energetic Self-Love, Not Just Boundaries
Instead of building rigid boundaries that can feel like walls, focus on generating a strong sense of love and self-worth within yourself. This inner “force field” naturally attracts respect and kindness from others. It also allows you to respond to challenges from a place of fullness rather than depletion. - Respond to Triggers with Compassion, Not Reactivity
If others label you as “selfish,” remember that their reactions often stem from their own insecurities or conditioning. Stand in your truth with compassion for both yourself and others, knowing that your example may inspire them to honour their own needs as well. - Practice Self-Compassion and Positive Self-Talk
Treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend. When you notice self-criticism, gently redirect your inner dialogue towards encouragement and understanding. Affirm your strengths and celebrate small steps towards self-love. - Celebrate Your Uniqueness and Nourish Yourself
Make time for activities that fill your heart and align with your values, whether it’s creative pursuits, time in nature, or simply taking time out to rest.
Being True to You
As Marianna reminds us, “When you fill your own cup, it’s inevitable that everyone around you feels it too.”
If you’re ready to take even one small step towards honouring your needs and nurturing your spirit, try one of these practices this week. Notice how honouring your needs, even in small ways, can create more space for joy and connection for both yourself and others.
Listen to Marianna’s conversation with Belle on the Step Into Me podcast for more insights and her full story.
